So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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