Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
