I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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