I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
