Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can you bring me the toilet please
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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