I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
