im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
