Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
