You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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