I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
