These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
