so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
