Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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