you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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