I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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