I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
