my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
