He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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