Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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