Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
