just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
