It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
