I just cut my nipple shaving
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We are all done wearing pants today
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
