It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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