worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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