Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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