The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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