I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
