I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
this must be what syphilis tastes like
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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