i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize