So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
