I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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