Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
