I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
