I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
only you would photoshop your dick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
