this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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