i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
