They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
