I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
