Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
