i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
