i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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