he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
