he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
