Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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