Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize