Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
