I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
