you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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