i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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