Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
