help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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