time to smoke my breakfast
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The Olympian is in my bed
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
