You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
