I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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