so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
