Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Enjoy the penises
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
