Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We talked him into tasing himself.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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