All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
