according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
