5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Oh god it's open bar.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
