You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
