It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
