So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
