I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
