He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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