They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
