he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
