He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
