I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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